Kissing Kamal

I ended last week being a little frustrated with the blog.  After writing a post on barebacking and how it can play a part in dating and relationships, I expected a bevy of comments about the topic only to wind up with the sound of internet crickets.

While I do appreciate the one and only comment from Brad, who runs a barebacking site that has some pretty hot porn, I feel like most people looked past my point: if you are having sex without condoms while dating then ask yourself if your expectations and feelings regarding emotional and physical intimacy are being colored.

I was discussing this with a friend last Friday over drinks, and after a couple swigs from his beer he said, “Kamal, you’re asking people to comment on a topic that a lot of guys just don’t talk about.  You’re right that a lot of guys do it, but because of barebacking’s association with HIV and AIDS, a lot of guys consider the subject taboo and just don’t talk about it.”

And why is it that we, as men who are single, gay, dating and looking for love, are not talking about this? Read more…

Another Reader Request: why are there guys who still insist on barebacking?  Honestly, I can’t answer why some guys insist on having bareback sex when they hardly know the sexual history and health status of their partners.  But I do have something to say about guys who bareback while dating, and I hope you stick around to read my thoughts on that.

Skin to skin sex is preferred by many guys for obvious reasons.  Barebacking has long been touted as one of the benefits of being in a committed relationship with a boyfriend or trusted f-buddy (I know some of you don’t use rubbers with your f-buddy so don’t shoot me for shining a light on it!).  But boyfriends and long-term f-buddies / we’re both in denial that we’re actually boyfriends, aren’t the only situations where trust is established and the rubbers come flying off as the legs go up in the air.

While not yet “boyfriends” with the other fella, some guys have decided to establish a level of trust in the relationship that allows for them to have skin to skin sex with each other while dating.  Shock and awe, but I’ve been in this kind of situation too.  Even though it’s something I’ve done with no regret, the question still lingers as to whether it was the right thing to do in terms of dating and getting to know the person in that particular instance. Read more…

Is dealing with repairmen and contractors much like being single, gay and dating?

I’ve been stressed beyond belief all week and it’s all due to repairmen. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work, social outings, or writing this blog due to worry and stress caused by their actions.

It all started when I got into a relationship with one who promised to treat me right. He presented himself well, talked like he was sure of himself and sure of my needs, and any friend I asked had nothing bad to say about him. Everything was there that made me believe things with him would work out.

Then the typical problems started. The signs were there but I ignored them: never answering the phone when I called; only replying to me via text; promising to be there, then cancelling at the last minute or just not showing up at all.

Read more…

This post comes from a Reader Request that came in after my post about married guys on Scruff  (thanks again for all of your comments).  The reader said that he disagreed with my Scruff post and that “all married guys on Grindr and Scruff should be made to disclose their relationship status.”  So let’s take a moment to discuss the disclosure of relationship status in the context of online dating/meet up sites and see if there’s an easy answer to this conundrum.

As most guys who are single, gay and dating know, online sites and apps have a section in each profile where you can say if you’re Single, Dating, Partnered, in an Open Relationship, etc.  If there isn’t a specific section (note that Grindr didn’t initially come with this feature), then the argument goes that you should at least state your relationship status somewhere in your profile so other guys will know and be able to make a more informed decision about chatting you up. Read more…

Please join me tonight at Whitman Walker Clinic for a discussion I’m taking part in called Healthier Hookups.  We’re kicking of the conversation at 7:30pm at the Elizabeth Taylor Medical Center at 1701 14^th St. NW.  You can find more information about it in Metro Weekly, The Washington Blade, or via Whitman Walker’s Facebook page here.

See you there!

It’s not just Scuff that should be singled out, as there seems to be more general awareness of partnered guys, guys in open relationships, etc. on meet up sites and apps these days.  But what does appear to be unique to Scruff is the outright dismissal and backlash by single fellas against guys online who aren’t single.

If you thought douchebags on Grindr was bad, there are just as many guys on Scruff who say things like “don’t talk to me if you’re in an Open Relationship,” or “I don’t understand why so many Partnered guys are on here,” or “If you’re Partnered just block me.”  So let’s explore the question for a moment: why exactly are there a lot of Partnered guys online and should they get off and leave the cruising to the non-committed?

Now I didn’t minor in cis-gender studies but I have my thoughts on the notable rise of guys in relationships being online.  Read more…

I rarely issue a rant on this blog but I’ve felt the need to say this for some time now: you don’t need him.

While “he” could be anyone, it’s probably the guy who just dumped you.  Or the guy you’re waiting to take things from being “friends with occasional benefits” to actually dating.  Or it could be the guy you’re currently dating who just can’t seem to get it right.  The point it still the same: YOU DON’T NEED HIM. Read more…

You know I love me some Idris.  In case you missed this interview from the talk shows yesterday.  Enjoy.

It’s a shallow question I know, but the manscaping activities of a potential future boyfriend can rise to the level of a minor issue/annoyance while dating.

No matter how many men I’ve met and dated, I’m always amazed by the attraction and sexual turn on of head and facial hair.  I like to keep the hair on my head short, but I’ve had some guys try ever so nicely to get me to grow it out.  My response to this is always a polite “no.”

I know some guys like to “run their fingers through the hair” but for me, it’s too much work.  Longer hair means oil, oil sheens, brushes, trips to the “ethnic hair care aisle” in CVS, and the inevitable all-day spent waiting in the barber shop every other Saturday.  Sorry love, I know you like it but I can’t do it. Read more…

Have you ever dated a guy and things seem like they’re going great until he starts rescheduling dates or has “sudden plans,” and things between you and your potential future boyfriend trail off into nothingness?  Well it’s happened to me several times and I’ve determined that it’s because I can be a Dating Bully.

What is a Dating Bully?  Well it’s not someone who is just “pushy” or “aggressive.”  No matter how many times you call, text, or say “hey” to someone or Grindr, if they don’t want to talk to you then it’s probably not going to happen.  Fetch?

Although forcing dates to happen in a way that ensures you face-time with a potential future boyfriend, may make the guy feel like you’re forcing him into a situation. Read more…