An Episode in Dating: Shifting In Different Gears
The weeks spent with Matt after going to Rehoboth were wonderful. While going away worked to bring us closer together, we never reached that awful point where you become too comfortable with each other and stop dating / getting to know each other.
In fact, we did many things together: biking, swimming, exhibits, book signings. We frequently cooked for each other and there were many an overnight stay with no shame in the bike ride home whatsoever. There were no dating problems to really speak of, except for the frequency of our sex life.
I know. Shocker, right? I make it a point to not make this blog about sex and here I am about to talk about it. Well, honestly I think that for grown folks, sex is a part of dating and I think there is a mature way to talk about it without sounding like you’re cracking your gum in 5th period. In any event …
The problem with my sex life with Matt was that point blank: I wanted it more than he did. He would stay. We would cuddle. Mornings with him were great. Sex with him was great. But the frequency of our love making was something that bothered me.
For the record, it’s not that it was once a month or something horrible. Sometimes it was just once a week but that was mostly because of our busy schedules. The problem was that while I expected it to occur every time we met, it just didn’t happen.
Matt and I talked about it and he told me outright that his libido was just never really that way; which ultimately was and is fine. But there was a part of me that was fearful of what Matt’s lack of interest might mean.
I couldn’t help looking back on a previous dating experience where the guy’s appetite was greater than mine. His want was for 2 -3 times a day and while you may think I was happy with this, I really was not. If anything, my desire for it decreased which I realized ultimately meant that I just wasn’t that in to him.
While a part of me wanted to dwell on negative experiences, I couldn’t help but take in the many positive signs that Matt gave to let me know that he dug me. He made a point of spending time with me. We had actual conversations via email during the day and in person. And most of all, he cuddled. While he isn’t always long on sentiment, the important thing is that we were actually “together” when we were together; which is more than I can say for some guys who are good in only one area and that’s about it.
So yeah, once I realized that Matt really wanted to spend time with me, my problems regarding our sex-life stopped. Things are going well.
To be continued…