Dating Soundtrack: If That’s Your Boyfriend by Meshell Ndegeocello
If That’s Your Boyfriend was my jam in the ’90s. A strong black woman playing a bass with an unbelievable sound and ground-breaking style, Plantation Lullabies is an amazing album from whence this track and many other great songs came from.
But I’m not putting up Meshell solely based on her talent. I’m including this song as a Dating Soundtrack because it states a plain fact that many gay men don’t want to admit to or talk about: at some point in our dating lives we’ve hooked up with someone else’s man and didn’t regret it.
If you want to argue with me and say not to include you in that equation then either you’re lying because your significant other is reading this with you or you’re twelve (which by the way means you should be a kid and stay out of grown folks conversations).
Hooking up with someone else’s man isn’t necessarily wrong. Factoring out all of the Bible and adultery stuff, if two people want to have a go at each other and they can do so discreetly so that no one gets hurt, then it’s really up to the “cheater” if he wants to disclose the infidelity and I see no reason to find fault with the uh, correspondent. As the song says, call me what you like.
But keep in mind, I don’t condone this behavior for the simple fact that if you’re dating with the ultimate goal of finding someone that you can share your life with, spending time on men who can’t commit to more than a physical relationship is a waste. It takes time away from finding and being with a man who can fully commit, which is what you’re looking for, and it takes your focus off of the main goal.
Now I’m not saying that men can’t be faithful in a relationship. Because you boot-slammed someone’s boyfriend doesn’t mean that you can’t stay within the boundaries of your own relationship; or does it? And just because someone is disrespectful to another’s relationship doesn’t mean they will disrespect their own boyfriend and ultimately themselves; or does it?
I don’t have solid answers to any of these questions. All I really know for sure is that karma can be a betch. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Yes I had your boyfriend …