Kissing Kamal

Continued from …

It was the rare morning such as this one that I hated the floor-to-ceiling windows in my bedroom.  I normally enjoy the light that cascades in but when you’re wickedly hungover to the point of still being slightly drunk, “spacious windows that let in tons of light” is the last thing you want to deal with.  Damn, where is that Advil?

I looked over at the clock and it read 11:30am.  I sat slightly curled to the side in bed, checking my phone and waiting for the Advil to kick in before trying to put my feet on the ground.  Damn Van and his open bar.  Why did I drink so much?  Oh, that’s right.  I saw Matt and started acting like a honey badger.  Wait, who else did I meet?

I sat in bed trying to piece together the various events from last night and the phone rang.  The caller ID says Matt.  I decided to answer.

“Hello?” I said.

“Kamal it’s Matt.”

“Hey.”

“Look, I’ve needed some time away from you because I need to get myself back in order.  I’ve wanted to be polite and dance around it but I guess after last night I need to be explicit … For the past few weeks, whenever I think of you or hear from you, I have a low-grade panic attack.  My chest tightens up, I get light-headed.  I wish I could say I’m making this up but I’m not.  Anyway, grabbing me at a party and lecturing me about breakups really isn’t helping.”

“Matt, I’m a little hungover so I’m sorry if I don’t entirely make sense, but I really do apologize for grabbing you last night at the party.  I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling panicked and it wasn’t my intent to make you feel uncomfortable.  I totally understand that you need some space and time, and I’m okay with that, but I’m not cool with being ignored.

“Does that make me emotional and entirely too sensitive?  Perhaps.  But after spending time getting to know you and bringing you into my life both mentally, emotionally, and physically; to go from that to a situation where there’s no interest in having a polite five minute conversation at a party is a little difficult to stomach.

“If we had only gone on three dates or if you had been an asshole, then I really wouldn’t give a shit.  But being ignored by someone I took care to know isn’t something I would’ve expected from you, and I wanted to talk to you to prove to myself that you’re still the stand up guy that I took care to know.”

I couldn’t tell if it was the hangover or not but there seemed like a long space of silence drifted over the phone after I finished speaking.  I was just about to ask if he was still there when Matt finally spoke.

“Kamal.  I’m not trying to deny you closure … I just need you to respect that I have a different way of dealing with stuff. I need space. I still think we can be friends, but I need to deal with my own shit first.  Okay?”

“Yeah Matt that’s fine.  I’ll talk to you later.”  I hung up the phone.

I laid in bed trying to process the conversation when a text came in on my phone.  “Had fun meeting you last night.  When can I buy you that drink?  Scotty.”  Scotty?  Who’s Scotty?

To be continued …