Can a fetish be the basis of a relationship?
After a few long pulls on our “iced teas,” Sam began spilling the beans on a new guy that he was dating.
“He’s very, handsome, well spoken, and he literally sweeps me off my feet Kamal. I’m telling you, the sex with him is just unbelievable. It’s only been a little over a month, but we decided to date each other exclusively.”
“Wow Sam, sounds hot. I’m wondering if you two may be moving too fast but I’ll save my judgment on that for later. Can I see a picture of him?”
Sam pulled out his phone, did some quick finger swiping, and handed it over for me to see a picture of his new beau. The guy was handsome and completely and utterly Sam’s type: dark-haired, swarthy, and Italian; with deep, fury, chest hair and bulging muscles.
I noticed that the picture was part of a text conversation, and being the good friend that I am, I swiped through the thread to see what other pictures this handsome man may have sent my friend Sam.
I couldn’t help reading the texts sent between Sam and his man. While I can’t tell you exactly what was said between them (because this isn’t that kind of blog), there was a definite ethnic undertone to the IMs that painted this guy as the powerful, domineering Italian Guido (their words, not mine), who was going to pillage and plunder my non-Italian friend’s lands.
I let out a mild gasp that told Sam I had stumbled on something that I shouldn’t have. I gave him back his phone and he looked at what I was reading.
“What’s wrong Kamal? It’s just a conversation between two consenting adults.”
“I know Sam, but the context of it all … Do you think that maybe you’re rushing into things with this guy because you have a fetish for him being Italian? … ”
Sam and I continued our conversation and it got me to thinking about fetishes and relationships. Is it possible to build a relationship with someone when your initial reason for being together is a fetish?
“How is what you’re saying really different than how gay men [typically] sexualize the male body? “, said David.
“Gay fetishists sexualize the male body with some additions. Maybe they like the male body especially when it’s in tight rubber, like I do. You might as well ask whether it is possible for any gay man to have a relationship with a man whose body turns him on.
“If a vanilla gay man can have a relationship with a man whose naked body turns him on, and look past the guy’s body, then a kinky gay man can have a relationship with a man whose tightly rubber-enclosed body turns him on, and look past the rubber.”
Now of course David and Sam are right. If a guy can’t see past a fetish when getting to know someone then it’s his own fault; whether he has a fetish or not. By the way, there’s an upcoming CODE party this Saturday. Details are here.