Kissing Kamal

It's Judy Garland!

In the spirit of the Holidays I give you my following dating observations.  I did a similar post last year so consider this a re-pop with a twist and a splash of Patron.  If you fall into one of the categories below, yell “Judy Garland!”

The Real Housewives of the Holidays.  Yes gurl!  You are FAB-YOU-LOUS!  You closed on a fabulous downtown condo in the spring, spent a leisurely summer in a full share at the beach, received an enormous end of year bonus at work, and are dating a devastatingly handsome man with a ginormous uh, personality.  Yes gurl, you have won the Fabulosity Award for 2011 hands down, and you want everyone to know it.

Now if you play with boys who collect status and toys, and don’t need Santa to buy them anything, then have at it and put those bitches in their place when they try to say something catty about you’re well earned success.  But remember that not every Holiday party is a press junket for your Fabulosity, and that handsome man on your arm may start to wonder why all of your sentences begin with “I’m rich!”

Who’s that guy on the other Trivia Team? Is there a guy you’ve had your eye on all year but haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet?  Holiday parties are a good way to make your move and say hello.  People are generally in a good mood and open to meeting new people.  If you get the courage to finally go up to this guy and say hello, remember to ask him his name and whether he’s there with anyone.  Also remember to try and approach your potential future boyfriend before making it to the third drink, lest you get into the next holiday situation.

Go Slutty or Go Home! The Holidays are also a good time to be slutty.  You’ve had a long and hard year filled with tons of drama from a less than amicable break up.  Couple that with a string of awkward and tragic first dates and that’s it; you’ve decided to take a dating vacation to the land of Promiscuity.  I say have at it and be sure to let everyone know that you’re on vacation so they don’t get confused.

The Presentation of the Boyfriend.  You’ve worked hard at dating one guy for the majority of the year and he popped the question before Thanksgiving: you’re officially boyfriends.  There’s a certain glee that comes in having an honest to goodness boyfriend for the holidays.  And no, I’m not talking about someone to cuddle with in front of the fire.  I mean having an actual man on your arm for parties that you can parade in front of those catty queens who made snarky comments about you being single last year.  Just make sure that your new boyfriend doesn’t need a short leash, and that those catty queens know you have no problem cutting a bitch.

Sassy Drunk Friend: You show up at Holiday parties and your friends slip your favorite martini into your hands and wait for you to drink.  After the first drink you start with funny quips and anecdotes.  After several drinks, you become cattier than Eartha Kitt on an episode of Batman; like that time you walked over to your ex and while introducing your date said, “John, is this your first time meeting a real man?”  Keep in mind that while your friends may find you sassy, your date may be left wondering if you’re just plain, old and bitchy.

Holiday Fling: Your eyes met across the crowded living room of a Holiday party as Lady Gaga played in the background.  You talked long into the night, went home together, and have been inseparable ever since.  This chance meeting didn’t happen two years ago, but two weeks ago.  The only time you two make it out of bed is to go to work, the gym, and show up at Holiday parties where you spend the entire night canoodling.  Friends are starting to ask whether you’re dating and all you know is that you’ve broken 1.5 beds in two weeks.  Will your romance end or continue before New Year’s?  I’m sure you guys will figure it out before the ball drops.

Damn It Jim, I’m a date not a rag doll! You’ve been invited to a ton of Holiday parties this year including the legendary Van Goodwin Birthday Bash.  You created a Google Calendar to keep track of all of the fun and merriment and share it with the guy you’re dating; who you drag to each and every event.  Remember when you two first met and he told you that he enjoyed quiet nights at home?  You may want to lay off a bit on your requests for an escort or he might tell you that he’s spending New Year’s Eve in church with his mother.

Catch Up With Friends. If you want to take a more serene break from dating for the holidays, you can always spend time catching up with friends that you haven’t seen much of the entire year.  If you meet someone at a party and they want to take you out on a date, just tell them that you’re spending the next couple weeks seeing old friends but that you’ll have some time in the New Year.  I actually did this one holiday season and I was put into the same exact situation.  He was a very good looking guy that I could’ve easily went out on a date with before the New Year.  But I honored the resolution I made to myself and guess what?  He called me in January and asked me out again.