What’s with all of the Partnered guys on Scruff?!
It’s not just Scuff that should be singled out, as there seems to be more general awareness of partnered guys, guys in open relationships, etc. on meet up sites and apps these days. But what does appear to be unique to Scruff is the outright dismissal and backlash by single fellas against guys online who aren’t single.
If you thought douchebags on Grindr was bad, there are just as many guys on Scruff who say things like “don’t talk to me if you’re in an Open Relationship,” or “I don’t understand why so many Partnered guys are on here,” or “If you’re Partnered just block me.” So let’s explore the question for a moment: why exactly are there a lot of Partnered guys online and should they get off and leave the cruising to the non-committed?
Now I didn’t minor in cis-gender studies but I have my thoughts on the notable rise of guys in relationships being online. Whether it’s boyfriend/boyfriend, or some classification of married/married, or even just a long-term dating scenario (i.e. we don’t know if this will be long-term but we’re okay dating each other for now), you have a generation of guys in their 30s and 40s who can finally put HIV/AIDS scariness behind them and start loving each other again. What’s more is that you have a younger generation of guys who were born post-Dynasty (if you don’t remember Joan Collins on TV then you fall into this category) who have a very organic viewpoint on dating being a pre-cursor to some kind of long-term relationship.
Interestingly enough, with all of this dating, courtship, and relationship status updating going on, these relationships aren’t taking on the traditional formats of what a relationship “should” look like. While there is a voice in the lgbt community that wants to present our relationships as being the same as others and therefore demanding of equal treatment and protection under the law, the fact is that such protections should be afforded to persons looking to enter into a legal union regardless of what the internal and private structure of their relationship “should” or does exhibit.
Putting political arguments aside, gays by our very nature are counter-culture and if we want our relationships to be monogamous, or open, or polyamorous, then it’s our private right to do so. In any case, I suspect there are others who feel the same way that I do, which also explains why more Partnered guys are online looking to meet other guys for drinks, flirtation or fun.
While there are gay communities like San Francisco where Open Relationships have become such an established norm that single guys know how to effectively navigate through the waters, the rise of this normalcy in the online context is causing some guys to get frustrated as I previously noted.
For sure, there is nothing more frustrating than flirting with a guy and having that initial spark, only to find out later that said fella is already taken. I remember going to Gay Day at some amusement park once and I was in line waiting to get on a ride with some friends I started chatting with this guy. Chatting led into flirting and we started to vibe with each other when out of no where, another guy walks up who he introduces as his boyfriend. The boyfriend leaves to wait in line for another ride, and the guy immediately goes back to flirting with me. ARGH!
Whether it’s in person or online, being hit on by Partnered guys when you’re single and looking for love is annoying. Notice I’m not talking about the guys who sneak around on their partners, as those guys will always be there no matter what. But even if all Partnered guys leave online sites like Scruff, does that mean your chances of finding a decent guy to date will exponentially improve?
For the truly single guy, Partnered men on dating sites is nothing but background noise. While some of us work or study better in a completely quiet environment, those conditions aren’t always available and sometimes a noisy Starbucks is all you have to work with. So stop asking the barista to turn the music down or giving dirty looks to the guy talking loudly on his phone. Focus on what needs to get done and the background noise will soon quiet down to nothingness.