Kissing Kamal

This post comes from a Reader Request that came in after my post about married guys on Scruff  (thanks again for all of your comments).  The reader said that he disagreed with my Scruff post and that “all married guys on Grindr and Scruff should be made to disclose their relationship status.”  So let’s take a moment to discuss the disclosure of relationship status in the context of online dating/meet up sites and see if there’s an easy answer to this conundrum.

As most guys who are single, gay and dating know, online sites and apps have a section in each profile where you can say if you’re Single, Dating, Partnered, in an Open Relationship, etc.  If there isn’t a specific section (note that Grindr didn’t initially come with this feature), then the argument goes that you should at least state your relationship status somewhere in your profile so other guys will know and be able to make a more informed decision about chatting you up.

I do agree with the Reader that there is a duty to disclose your relationship status online, but I don’t agree that stating it in a section of an online profile is the only answer.  For those who do then great and more power to you, but I don’t think we should also say that those who choose to remain silent should not have the option to do so.

Personally, I don’t like listing my relationship status online.  After a few breakups involving the updating of Facebook statuses and the various ‘likes’ and comments that come with that, I prefer to keep my relationship status off the internet period.  If you find me online and you want to know if I’m single, then feel free to ask.  Also, if I’m chatting with a fella online and I’m not single, but I get a sense that he wants to do more than chat, then I’ll let him know what my status is so no one is being led on.

And isn’t that the point of meeting people, flirting, and dating; having an honest conversation?  If the reason why you want every guy to list their status is so you can easily block or hide guys who aren’t Single, then I think that’s being a bit lazy about the exercise and missing the bigger picture.

When it comes to apps like Grindr and Scruff, guys are online for a myriad of reasons, and if your reason involves dating then you should undertake more due diligence on your potential future boyfriend and not rely on everything being stated in his profile.  Get to know him.  Have multiple conversations.  Meet for coffee before going on an actual “date,” and if there are things he stated in his profile that you like (i.e. snowboarding, rock climbing, being Single), then ask him about those interests at different places and times so you can get a better sense of whether he truly is into those things or just an armchair fan with a boyfriend at home.

Now I don’t know if my Reader agrees but I do think that guys in relationships should stay off of certain sites.  If you make the commitment to be exclusive with someone, then you should probably stay off of ManHut sites as there is no real reason to be on there other than hooking up.

That’s all I have for now.  More Reader Requests coming later in the week.