Barebacking While Dating
Another Reader Request: why are there guys who still insist on barebacking? Honestly, I can’t answer why some guys insist on having bareback sex when they hardly know the sexual history and health status of their partners. But I do have something to say about guys who bareback while dating, and I hope you stick around to read my thoughts on that.
Skin to skin sex is preferred by many guys for obvious reasons. Barebacking has long been touted as one of the benefits of being in a committed relationship with a boyfriend or trusted f-buddy (I know some of you don’t use rubbers with your f-buddy so don’t shoot me for shining a light on it!). But boyfriends and long-term f-buddies / we’re both in denial that we’re actually boyfriends, aren’t the only situations where trust is established and the rubbers come flying off as the legs go up in the air.
While not yet “boyfriends” with the other fella, some guys have decided to establish a level of trust in the relationship that allows for them to have skin to skin sex with each other while dating. Shock and awe, but I’ve been in this kind of situation too. Even though it’s something I’ve done with no regret, the question still lingers as to whether it was the right thing to do in terms of dating and getting to know the person in that particular instance.
I’ve dated guys where we waited a month or so before getting tested and going without condoms, and I’ve also dated guys where we never went without condoms even though we were exclusively dating. In both situations I approached the sexual aspect of the relationship as another step in being intimate, but not as something that would create intimacy or feelings of love on its own.
You know the old after-school special lament “if I sleep with him then it proves that I love him?” If you’re having sex with a guy because you’re hoping to create a level of intimacy with him that doesn’t already exist, then you’re probably rushing down a dating path that’s not going to end well. Same thing with barebacking: because bareback sex can be a very intimate and intense experience, it’s best to ask yourself if that level of intimacy already exists or if you might possibly be doing it for the wrong reasons.
I admit though, that sometimes the analysis isn’t always easy. I’ve dated guys where things are going well and three to six months in, you realize that you don’t really like him or that you’re better off as friends. The thing is though that I or we didn’t use barebacking as an excuse to continue dating. We knew enough about ourselves and each other to know that we weren’t a perfect match and that the intensity created by bareback sex was not an indicator of our true feelings for each other.
I could write more but it’s a beautiful day in DC today. I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments section.
Hey Kamal,
This is an excellent post and a topic that is both important and quite controversial. I am a barebacker and I enjoy the pleasures that barebacking can bring to myself and my boyfriend (we have been together for about ten years). We both understood the element of risk at the point of making the decision to start having bareback sex and we continue to be aware of the ongoing risk.
The answer to the question about why guys insist on barebacking is a personal answer that will likely differ from person to person, so I won’t try to answer for anyone by offering a general response, I’ll simply include a few of my personal thoughts on the matter.
What I feel is important is for everyone to understand the risks associated with bareback sex and then determine from this point whether barebacking is for them and if so, at what point they feel that it’s appropriate to commence having unprotected sex with someone. Some guys will have bareback sex with just about anyone, while others are selective. It’s important to note that the risk is ongoing, unless in a monogamous relationship where complete trust is established and maintained.
I quite often find some people who put those who engage in bareback sex in the same basket, considering them all to be reckless or irresponsible. Those who put all barebackers in the same basket often have a narrow-minded viewpoint on a very complex topic. Barebacking is the main ingredient to life (birth), but unfortunately the health risks can sometimes have the opposite effect on a person by impacting on their quality of life.
I could write a massive response to this topic here, but the problem is that because bareback sex is such an involved issue consisting of various elements including barebackers having their own perspectives and comfort levels relating to element of risk, this comment field is a little restrictive to include a detailed analysis on the subject, so I have tried to keep my response as succinct as possible.
It will be interesting to see comments from your visitors on this topic. Thanks for including this post and welcoming thoughts from others on this matter.
~ Brad.
Let’s say this thing you both left out, Kamal and Brad, as it is (putting the emotional and intimacy stuff aside, though that is maybe most essential): Tops have less of a chance of contracting the virus while bare-backing – so perhaps they would be the more ready party than their bottom partner to engage in bare-backing … Its perhaps unfair but I’m just telling it like it is …