Barebacking While Dating
Another Reader Request: why are there guys who still insist on barebacking? Honestly, I can’t answer why some guys insist on having bareback sex when they hardly know the sexual history and health status of their partners. But I do have something to say about guys who bareback while dating, and I hope you stick around to read my thoughts on that.
Skin to skin sex is preferred by many guys for obvious reasons. Barebacking has long been touted as one of the benefits of being in a committed relationship with a boyfriend or trusted f-buddy (I know some of you don’t use rubbers with your f-buddy so don’t shoot me for shining a light on it!). But boyfriends and long-term f-buddies / we’re both in denial that we’re actually boyfriends, aren’t the only situations where trust is established and the rubbers come flying off as the legs go up in the air.
While not yet “boyfriends” with the other fella, some guys have decided to establish a level of trust in the relationship that allows for them to have skin to skin sex with each other while dating. Shock and awe, but I’ve been in this kind of situation too. Even though it’s something I’ve done with no regret, the question still lingers as to whether it was the right thing to do in terms of dating and getting to know the person in that particular instance.
I’ve dated guys where we waited a month or so before getting tested and going without condoms, and I’ve also dated guys where we never went without condoms even though we were exclusively dating. In both situations I approached the sexual aspect of the relationship as another step in being intimate, but not as something that would create intimacy or feelings of love on its own.
You know the old after-school special lament “if I sleep with him then it proves that I love him?” If you’re having sex with a guy because you’re hoping to create a level of intimacy with him that doesn’t already exist, then you’re probably rushing down a dating path that’s not going to end well. Same thing with barebacking: because bareback sex can be a very intimate and intense experience, it’s best to ask yourself if that level of intimacy already exists or if you might possibly be doing it for the wrong reasons.
I admit though, that sometimes the analysis isn’t always easy. I’ve dated guys where things are going well and three to six months in, you realize that you don’t really like him or that you’re better off as friends. The thing is though that I or we didn’t use barebacking as an excuse to continue dating. We knew enough about ourselves and each other to know that we weren’t a perfect match and that the intensity created by bareback sex was not an indicator of our true feelings for each other.
I could write more but it’s a beautiful day in DC today. I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments section.