Kissing Kamal

What does being liked by people have to do with one’s ability to snag a decent date?  In a perfect world, the two concepts should be separate, as it’s only important that your heart’s desire like you and screw all the rest #FTW.  But in the world of single, gay and dating, being “liked” may have more impact on one’s pool of eligible dates than we might realize.

Case in point: a while back, I was grabbing lunch at a local deli when I bumped into Jack.  I hadn’t seen Jack in several years and he looked a lot better than how I remembered him.  In fact, he looked down right handsome in his work wear, and had amazing eyes that glimmered even in the middle of a dull workday.  We chatted and caught up for a bit, and I could tell there was a mutual interest in getting to know each other.  Jack and I exchanged information and promised to do a lunch date in the near future.

Later that night, I was out at one of my favorite happy hours when I walk into a room and see Jack with his bestie Giles.

Now Giles and I for various reasons didn’t like each other.  We went on one date and for the record, he asked me out.  Since then, our relationship was tepid/tolerable at best.

I think you know where this is going: as I walked across the room to greet Jack and Giles, I could see the looks on their faces in slow motion.  The happy smile from Jack filled with anticipation.  The catty, pursed, and upturned lips of Giles.  Then Giles leaning over to whisper something to Jack.  Then the smile in Jack’s face suddenly fading, then recovering a bit before I arrive.  And finally, the snide accomplished look of Giles that I wanted to slap right off of his face.

After a polite conversation with Jack and Giles that lasted all of 30 seconds, I walked away to enjoy the rest of my evening and I never heard from Jack again.  I don’t fault him for basically taking the word of his friend (or whatever it was Giles whispered to him) when it came to me being in the running for Jack’s Next Top Boyfriend.  But what I do find annoying is losing a potential date because I wasn’t “liked.”

I know.  It took me a minute to even write that last sentence with a straight face.  Who gives a flying-pig if some catty queen doesn’t like you and uses that as motivation to discourage someone else from dating you?  What’s more, do you really want to date someone who could be so easily swayed by the opinions of others?  Probably not, but if they look like Channing Tatum then that means I’ll still be sullen, hurt and slightly dejected.  If you’re reading this, my number hasn’t changed Channing! Sniff sniff.

So while I know I shouldn’t/don’t care about the actions of others that I cannot control, what I do know is that I can control my own actions and therefore limit some of this “me no likey” fallout that can happen.  Let me explain:

I’m a strong-willed individual for sure.  You either like me or you don’t, and trust me, the feeling is almost always mutual.  But not liking some one, doesn’t mean that you pick fights with that person, or talk negatively about them every chance you get, or give your best catty Alexis Colby impression every time you talk to them.  Yes, I’ve told heifers to leave (read here) and I’ve “come out my mouth” in other situations; some I’m proud of and some not so much.

But as I come closer to another mid-thirties birthday I realize that, more often than not, it’s best to keep your opinions about like and dislike to yourself.  You don’t always need to be the person at the table talking about why you don’t like “Giles” or why you think he’s fake or why you think he stinks, etc.  And you sure as heck don’t need to confront him with this kind of drama either. Not only does this behavior make you look ugly, it burns a bridge which you may or may not need to get to your next date with Channing or Jack, as was the case with me.

Yeah, dating in DC can be hard, but not as hard as keeping track of who doesn’t like you and/or who you talked smack about.  That’s all I got for now kids.

Ttyl.