Kissing Kamal

I was at a friend’s party having a good time when I started talking to a fine brother we’ll call “Marcel.”

Marcel was every bit of handsome: smooth chocolaty skin, great eyes, a muscular body that said, “I work out but I’m not too vain to have a little grown man weight.”  All in all, Marcel was a definite candidate to be an Idris (read here).

Marcel had me immediately intrigued.  This man didn’t need to spit game because he had a confidence and ease in his voice that pulled you in.  Moreover he could talk, and I love it when men can “conversate” on topics out of the ordinary.

Eventually, we got to the question of “what do you do” and Marcel said, “I work out at the airport.”

“Okay” I said, as visions of kiosks and salty soft pretzels danced in my head.  And he said it so matter-of-factly; like there was nothing wrong with a mid 30’s brother working this kind of job and having no other hustle going on. Read more…

How many times have you heard someone referred to as “crazy” in the single, gay and dating scene?

You make a positive comment about a guy you see across the bar for the first time and one of your friends says, “oh I went out with him on a date once and he’s crazy.”  Or, “we hooked up once and he’s cray-cray!”  Or when two people you know, who may or may not be independently crazy, date for a quick moment and part ways calling the other crazy.

Crazy seems to be a term that’s thrown around a lot but I’ve yet to see two people define it in the same way.  Yes, someone acting stalkerish or obsessive over you is a bit cray-cray.  Or a guy who literally plans your wedding after one date is a MAJOR red flag of avoidance.

But a lot of times I hear the word mentioned and it makes me wonder if the person truly is, or if it’s just a way for the speaker to quickly dismiss a bad dating situation without any explanation.  A guy not being able to commit to plans or follow thru with you, doesn’t mean that he’s crazy; it just means that he wasn’t that in to you, is too emotionally immature to deal with his feelings, and that you need to move on. Read more…

I ended last week being a little frustrated with the blog.  After writing a post on barebacking and how it can play a part in dating and relationships, I expected a bevy of comments about the topic only to wind up with the sound of internet crickets.

While I do appreciate the one and only comment from Brad, who runs a barebacking site that has some pretty hot porn, I feel like most people looked past my point: if you are having sex without condoms while dating then ask yourself if your expectations and feelings regarding emotional and physical intimacy are being colored.

I was discussing this with a friend last Friday over drinks, and after a couple swigs from his beer he said, “Kamal, you’re asking people to comment on a topic that a lot of guys just don’t talk about.  You’re right that a lot of guys do it, but because of barebacking’s association with HIV and AIDS, a lot of guys consider the subject taboo and just don’t talk about it.”

And why is it that we, as men who are single, gay, dating and looking for love, are not talking about this? Read more…

Another Reader Request: why are there guys who still insist on barebacking?  Honestly, I can’t answer why some guys insist on having bareback sex when they hardly know the sexual history and health status of their partners.  But I do have something to say about guys who bareback while dating, and I hope you stick around to read my thoughts on that.

Skin to skin sex is preferred by many guys for obvious reasons.  Barebacking has long been touted as one of the benefits of being in a committed relationship with a boyfriend or trusted f-buddy (I know some of you don’t use rubbers with your f-buddy so don’t shoot me for shining a light on it!).  But boyfriends and long-term f-buddies / we’re both in denial that we’re actually boyfriends, aren’t the only situations where trust is established and the rubbers come flying off as the legs go up in the air.

While not yet “boyfriends” with the other fella, some guys have decided to establish a level of trust in the relationship that allows for them to have skin to skin sex with each other while dating.  Shock and awe, but I’ve been in this kind of situation too.  Even though it’s something I’ve done with no regret, the question still lingers as to whether it was the right thing to do in terms of dating and getting to know the person in that particular instance. Read more…

Is dealing with repairmen and contractors much like being single, gay and dating?

I’ve been stressed beyond belief all week and it’s all due to repairmen. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work, social outings, or writing this blog due to worry and stress caused by their actions.

It all started when I got into a relationship with one who promised to treat me right. He presented himself well, talked like he was sure of himself and sure of my needs, and any friend I asked had nothing bad to say about him. Everything was there that made me believe things with him would work out.

Then the typical problems started. The signs were there but I ignored them: never answering the phone when I called; only replying to me via text; promising to be there, then cancelling at the last minute or just not showing up at all.

Read more…

I rarely issue a rant on this blog but I’ve felt the need to say this for some time now: you don’t need him.

While “he” could be anyone, it’s probably the guy who just dumped you.  Or the guy you’re waiting to take things from being “friends with occasional benefits” to actually dating.  Or it could be the guy you’re currently dating who just can’t seem to get it right.  The point it still the same: YOU DON’T NEED HIM. Read more…

Something on the TV last night got me thinking about age-appropriate dating.  I forget what it was … forgive me while I have a senior moment.

By age-appropriate dating, I don’t mean the thought that one should only date within a certain age range relevant to their current age.  That line of thinking works for some people, but as a rule I think it’s crap because love can come in many shapes, sizes and ages.

What I am talking about, are the places and venues in which one fella can meet another fella and not feel like he’s gone out to pasture or that he needs a secret decoder ring to understand all of the trendy slang being said all around him.  Totes jellz old bro? Read more…

If the right man came along at this very moment, would you seriously date him? If a relationship moved in the right direction would you settle down? If you’re answering ‘yes’ to these questions while checking your ManHut account, are you being honest with yourself about what you’re ready to believe in?

Notice I mentioned “belief” and not “desire.” I believe that I am honest with myself about what I’m looking for in life and in my relationships. I want a companion. I want an adventuresome marriage. I want to be a good parent. I’m clearly aware of my wants and when I can, I put effort into making these things reality. But does this effort and clarity of purpose mean that I’m ready to believe in the reality of what my desires currently are and what they can become in the future? Read more…

Ain’t no party like a New Year’s Eve party cuz a New Year’s Eve party don’t stop!  Happy 2012 guys!

Sorry for getting this post out late as I was traveling a bit around the New Year.  In any event, let’s get to the point of this entry for today which is dating resolutions for 2012.

This year I decided to avoid the typical resolutions which, frankly speaking, are stupid and never amount to much of anything past February 1 anyway.  No, this will not be the year I get married.  Nor am I planning to have the perfect relationship with my perfect soul mate.  Nor am I planning to swear off dating entirely in 2012 and be a big ol’ ho; even if hood rats are making a comeback in 2012 (Black Mafia Wives?  Really people?!).

If 2011 was about putting yourself out there and creating opportunities for dating, romance and personal growth, then 2012 is going to be about what I call “tightening up.” Read more…

I was in the gym on the treadmill, finishing mile 3 on my way to mile 4, when I noticed the first Sex and the City movie on the flat screen to my immediate right.  Maybe it was the endorphins from running but I immediately felt some extra pep in my step from watching the girls do their thing and critiquing whether the fashions in the movie have held up over time.

There was no sound but I didn’t need any, as I know the movie well enough to summarize every scene and figure out what’s being said.  As I looked at Sex for the umpteenth time and fumbled for a new running song on my iPod, I noticed that a lot of my music was about relationships, with more than a few songs sung by a woman relating what a man has done to her, for her, or against her; and what she has done or felt in return.

While I consider myself to be a smart cookie when it comes to dating, I began to wonder if I was being influenced to think about dating and romance in a way that just wasn’t realistic for my circumstances.  Sure, there may come a day when I put everything he owns in a box to the left, or have a man I can write a bad romance with, but in my reality I’m just a dude, looking for some same-dude loving; and thinking about dating in a context that doesn’t apply to me does nothing except create unrealistic expectations. Read more…