Kissing Kamal

It's Judy Garland!

In the spirit of the Holidays I give you my following dating observations.  I did a similar post last year so consider this a re-pop with a twist and a splash of Patron.  If you fall into one of the categories below, yell “Judy Garland!”

The Real Housewives of the Holidays.  Yes gurl!  You are FAB-YOU-LOUS!  You closed on a fabulous downtown condo in the spring, spent a leisurely summer in a full share at the beach, received an enormous end of year bonus at work, and are dating a devastatingly handsome man with a ginormous uh, personality.  Yes gurl, you have won the Fabulosity Award for 2011 hands down, and you want everyone to know it.

Now if you play with boys who collect status and toys, and don’t need Santa to buy them anything, then have at it and put those bitches in their place when they try to say something catty about you’re well earned success.  But remember that not every Holiday party is a press junket for your Fabulosity, and that handsome man on your arm may start to wonder why all of your sentences begin with “I’m rich!”

Who’s that guy on the other Trivia Team? Is there a guy you’ve had your eye on all year but haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet?  Holiday parties are a good way to make your move and say hello.  People are generally in a good mood and open to meeting new people.  If you get the courage to finally go up to this guy and say hello, remember to ask him his name and whether he’s there with anyone.  Also remember to try and approach your potential future boyfriend before making it to the third drink, lest you get into the next holiday situation.

Go Slutty or Go Home! The Holidays are also a good time to be slutty.  You’ve had a long and hard year filled with tons of drama from a less than amicable break up.  Couple that with a string of awkward and tragic first dates and that’s it; you’ve decided to take a dating vacation to the land of Promiscuity.  I say have at it and be sure to let everyone know that you’re on vacation so they don’t get confused. Read more…

For better or for worse?

There’s been a lot of talk lately about jobs and poverty, as the U.S. Census announced on Tuesday that 1 in 6 Americans is living below the poverty line (read it here). The Great Recession marches on; in the face of hopeful plans to get us out of it by our elected leaders. But I digress.

Cruising around DC’s gay neighborhoods and social circles, one could genuinely question whether any effects of the Recession are being felt. While life continues as normal for some, there are those who are feeling the pain of job losses or down-periods in their businesses, although they aren’t mentioning these things over cocktails or Sunday brunch. For example, 1 out of every 13 DC residents is a lawyer, and the legal profession has seen blood-letting layoffs in recent years that are truly unprecedented.

Lawyers aren’t the only ones feeling the pain of layoffs and job restructuring, as I’ve heard from friends working in typical DC professions (non-profit, trade associations, lobbying groups, government contractors). So what is it like to date someone who is unemployed or underemployed? Does it create an added layer of stress in the relationship?

I usually interview someone for posts like this and today I’m going to interview myself. I was a recession casualty and went through a period of underemployment until I was able to hustle my way back to the level in my career that I had previously held. I dated several people during this time and each got to see me in varying stages of my job search. Read more…

The official end of summer is upon us, and if you’ve spent the past three months dating a special someone, then you’re probably ready to have “the talk” about what you’re doing and if you’re ready to call it a relationship.  So then what do you do when your Special Guy says, “I really like being with you and I want to date you exclusively, and I want to leave room in our relationship to enjoy other people sexually.”  Uh, what?!

I don’t think I’m telling you anything new, but open relationships come with the territory known as “single, gay and dating.”  There is a natural bend towards viewing open relationships as something couples consider once they’ve established a solid foundation.  But more and more I’m noticing couples who find it okay to begin their journey of getting to know each other while still leaving room to physically enjoy others.

No, these guys aren’t two f—k buddies trying to make a go of something.  They are regular guys who want love and a solid relationship, but also realize that their libido may not be ready for a completely monogamous one; which leads me to ask:

Is it a good idea to begin a relationship as an open one, or are you inviting trouble into your dating journey from the start?

Taylor is in his twenties and has been dating Tony for a little over five months.  They consider themselves a couple and are in an open relationship. Read more…

Continued from …

I woke up on a Thursday morning and something just wasn’t right. There was something on my mind that I couldn’t quite put my finger on and it was bugging the ish out of me.

I lay in bed for a moment to take a quick inventory of my life. Work? Check. House? Check. Family? Check. After going through the major priorities, I came to my relationship with Matt and that’s when the alarms started going off like crazy. Oh no.

After everything Matt and I had been through. After dating him, and getting dumped on New Year’s Day. After telling him off in high Dynasty style, then making peace with him through a hangover haze. Matt and I had finally gotten to the point where we were friends-ly-ish, and I sat in my bed wondering, “do I really still have feelings for the kid?”
Read more…

Advertise for what you want. LOL!

If you missed the Tom Joyner Morning Show today, there was an interview with author Skip Masters regarding his upcoming book How I Broke My Addiction to White Women. The book is based on Masters real-life experiences dating white women and being in two different marriages with white women, before he was able to “break his addition” as it were, and find his current wife who is African American.

The TJMS interview was hilarious at times, while still tackling the questions that everyone wants to know like, why does a brother have to go white in the first place?

Because this topic gets a lot of heat in the black community, be it straight or Same Gender Loving, I had to take a moment and answer the question: is dating white people an addiction and if so, should it be on the next season of Intervention?

As I’ve said before, dating black men isn’t all that easy (read it here folks), and dating white men can end up with you dating a racist (as I’ve mentioned over here), but is it really necessary for all my gay best friends to sit me down in a room and say, “Kamal, we love you and as your gay family we feel that you have a problem with Twinkies, and we don’t mean the Hostess kind.”
Read more…

I met my friend Sam for Happy Hour drinks at Commissary on a recent Friday and we ordered Long Island Iced Teas in homage to a table of summer interns sitting near us on the outside patio.

After a few long pulls on our “iced teas,” Sam began spilling the beans on a new guy that he was dating.

“He’s very, handsome, well spoken, and he literally sweeps me off my feet Kamal.  I’m telling you, the sex with him is just unbelievable.  It’s only been a little over a month, but we decided to date each other exclusively.”

“Wow Sam, sounds hot.  I’m wondering if you two may be moving too fast but I’ll save my judgment on that for later.  Can I see a picture of him?”

Sam pulled out his phone, did some quick finger swiping, and handed it over for me to see a picture of his new beau.  The guy was handsome and completely and utterly Sam’s type: dark-haired, swarthy, and Italian; with deep, fury, chest hair and bulging muscles.

I noticed that the picture was part of a text conversation, and being the good friend that I am, I swiped through the thread to see what other pictures this handsome man may have sent my friend Sam. Read more…

Continued from …

It was great spring weather for a mental health day. I emailed in sick from work and decided to take advantage of the clear sky and high 60′s temperature to go for a long training ride on the WOD trail.

With the recent drama from Van’s party seemingly behind us, Matt and I still weren’t actually speaking to each other but we had stopped avoiding each other. No more text messages telling where we would be so as to avoid the other, and there was no talk from either of us about not doing the bike race in Ohio, which was now coming up soon on the calendar. Read more…

Continued from …

After my hangover from the weekend finally subsided, I was able to put most of the pieces from Van’s farewell bash together in my head.  Sure, there was the confrontation and follow up phone call with Matt, but there was also the Scotsman nicknamed Scotty who I was somehow able to flirt with in my drunken haze such that he invited me out on a date the following Thursday night.

Date night arrives, and Scotty shows up at my door.  He’s as handsome as I remember him being with jet-black hair and brown eyes.  Not a ringer for Sean Connery but a definite inheritor of the rugged good looks characteristic of Scottish men.

“Hi handsome.”

“Aw thanks.  Hi Scotty.”

“You ready for tonight?” Read more…

As I dressed for work on a recent morning, the realization that I had gained weight finally hit home as I tried on exactly four pairs of dress pants looking for ones that would fit.  I had a ton of stuff off at the dry cleaner, and this left me with four options; three of which in no way fit me from the knee up.

I tried on my last available pair of pants hoping and praying they would fit.  Hold breath.  Pull on pants.  Suck in stomach.  Fasten pants.  Exhale.  Ah, success.   As I slipped on a pair of shoes and checked Next Bus to make sure I wasn’t late, I realized something that I hadn’t before: the weight that I’ve gained isn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.

For those of you who are reading this and see me on a regular basis: I’m politely telling you that I do not, in any way, want to hear it from you, with “It” being the inevitable refrain of “you’re not fat.”  While I may not be a candidate for any weight loss reality shows, the naked truth is that I have a closet full of dress clothes and a large majority of them do not fit.  Call me skinny if you like, but it’s not going to squeeze me into those pants. Read more…

Continued from…

Matt walking past me at the party and not speaking wasn’t a possibility that I came prepared for.  An awkward hello followed by looking at each other, but not looking at each other across the room for the rest of the night?  Yeah, I totally came prepared for that to happen.  But not speaking?

I immediately downed my drink and asked Clay to get me two of the same.  We were chatting with a group of people who didn’t know Matt so no one noticed when he didn’t stop to say.  I acted like nothing was wrong.

Clay came back with three drinks for us.  I immediately downed one and took the other to nurse on.

“You okay there Kamal?” Clay said to me with a look of concern.

“Yeah Clay, I’m fine” I said.  “We came here to have fun and I refuse to let Matt put me in a bad mood.  Come on, I’ll introduce you to Van.” Read more…